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国外也有段子手:你也是佛系球迷?
国外也有段子手:你也是佛系球迷?
发布时间:2018-08-24 13:10  来源:未知  作者:少年足球

小伙伴们大家好,欢迎来到每周的“国外也有段子手”!上周的欧洲赛场精彩看点层出不穷,马竞战胜皇马勇夺欧洲超级杯,切尔西赢下了与阿森纳的焦点之战,曼联爆冷输球,而曼城、巴萨等球队则纷纷顺利取胜。好了,话不多说,让我们快来看看歪果仁们的精彩吐槽吧!

焦点之战,切尔西3-2阿森纳

Shriek(阿森纳球迷):这次我不会受伤了,因为我的心已经麻木了。(Can't feel pain if we're already numb.)

J_A_Y_x(阿森纳球迷):看看我厂的新后防线,感觉和皇帝的新装差不多吧…(Meet new Arsenal defending, I think the Emperors new clothes look quite like this.)

SleepyDani(阿森纳球迷):看我厂比赛的感觉就像是养孩子,你盼望他能好好学习,但每次都给你带来学渣一样的成绩。但这又能怎样呢,难道还能放弃他咋地?(Watching arsenal’s match is like when you have a child and you really want him to be smart but he just keeps bringing Cs and Ds Home, but you know you can’t and shouldn’t give up on him.)

AyRhu(阿森纳球迷):这么踢下去,埃梅里恐怕12月就得被炒了!估计那时候洛佩特吉也差不多下课了,正好来执教我厂…(Emery will be out by December if it goes like this, replaced by Lolpetegui who will be leaving Madrid about same time.)

JoJnrShabadoo(西布朗球迷):这么多年一直让阿森纳远离降级区,教授的巨大贡献谁人能知?(Who knew that Wenger was actually over achieving massively by keeping Arsenal out the relegation battle?)

off_ice_performance(利物浦球迷):科瓦契奇这猛一不坐替补席,看来很是不习惯啊…(Kovacic probably got confused because he wasn’t sitting in the bench.)

Saichander(切尔西球迷):莫拉塔去年还是切尔西的托雷斯,但现在已经变成利物浦的托雷斯了!(Morata was the Chelsea Torres last year now he's the Liverpool Torres.)

Lookattheclock(未知主队球迷):埃梅里当然不会满足一场平局!所以他就输给切尔西了…(Emery didn't want a draw so he just saw a winning Chelsea.)

Koassde(利物浦球迷):阿森纳的问题就在于,他们表现最好的球员,竟然是刚从法乙联赛签来的19岁小将…(Arsenal's issue is their best player on the pitch is a 19 year old kid from french League 2.)

Rompskee(阿森纳球迷):现在想给贝莱林洗白,已经越来越困难了…(Being a Bellerin apologist is getting harder and harder.)

阿圭罗带帽,曼城6-1哈镇

Domaldinh0(未知主队球迷):看来丁丁受伤对曼城的影响很大啊,你看这场比赛得分都没上双!(You can see City are really missing De Bruyne today, they even cannot score 10.)

Bobby_Goaldado(热刺球迷):就是,要不是勉强进了6个球,曼城不就0-1输给哈镇了吗?(Yes, if you ignore the 6 bare goals they conceded then Huddersfield won 1-0.)

J_Briggs_3(曼城球迷):看我城比赛的感觉就像在嘿咻,如果它不像,那就说明我真的是在嘿咻。(It’s always like sex except I’m having it.)

Hardingnat(切尔西球迷):曼城应该先给对手发一个健康和安全警告才对…(Man City need to come with a health and safety warning to their rivals.)

LiptonBlackTea(利物浦球迷):讲个笑话:曼城的替补席上还坐着斯特林、马赫雷斯、萨内和沃克…(Sterling, Mahrez, Sane, Walker that city bench was a joke.)

AggravatingPickle(莱斯特城球迷):啊?他们的水平有那么菜吗?(Oh they're not that bad.)


MagicGnome97(曼联球迷):阿圭罗早饭到底吃了什么,好想给我魔的队员也都吃一些…(What the fuck did Aguero eat for breakfast and where can I get some for our players?)

Mobilehavoc(切尔西球迷):这比赛就应该限制同时出场的席尔瓦的数量!(There should be a limit of how many Silvas can be played at one time.)

(图):看球还能有效避孕?

爆冷输球,曼联2-3布莱顿

Idintronexondna(马竞球迷):曼联看到了曼城6-1的比赛,所以他们自己也想来一场…(United saw City’s 6-1 line and wanted one of their own.)

SolomonCleft(布莱顿球迷):那我们能每周都踢曼联吗?(Can we play Man Utd every week?)

hgo-(热刺球迷):现在可以说曼联就是英格兰的阿森纳了!(They are Arsenal of England now.)

MattSR3(曼联球迷):坏消息是上半场就丢了3个球,更坏的消息是我们下半场好像踢得更烂…(Bad news that we conceded 3 goals in the first half and worse news that we were worse in the second.)

Lolkac(利物浦球迷):最坏的消息是,曼联下场就要踢热刺了…(The worst thing is you are playing against spurs next.)

Naryn(阿森纳球迷):太好了,这样曼联就能连续输给小球队了!(Lol the trend of losing to small clubs can continue.)

Ahmad(曼联球迷):我们的后卫一边散步一边指望着德赫亚能把球都扑出来,你说这能怎么赢…(Our defenders were just walking expecting Da Gea to come up with a save like how can you expect to win this mentality.)

Saywhatagain(曼城球迷):钱并不能买来底蕴,但可以买来个大巴去摆给布莱顿!(you can’t buy class, but you can buy a bus against brighton.)

Jrditt(切尔西球迷):穆里尼奥的三季连续剧:第一季:买大巴;第二季:摆大巴;第三季:开着大巴走了…(The Jose Mourinho 3 Season DVD Collection: Season 1: Buy The Bus. Season 2: Park The Bus. Season 3: Drives away in it.)

Faizan24839(曼联球迷):我还不如看看曼城的那个纪录片,说不定比这场比赛更有些乐子…(I should've spent more time watching the City documentary. Pehaps I would've learned something fun.)

hasnain1720(阿森纳球迷):还是曼联心地善良,他们只是想让我们阿森纳球迷好受一点…(Wow they are trying to make Arsenal fans feel better huh how nice.)

G_Morgan(曼联球迷):都花了5个亿了,到头来还是要指望费莱尼…(£500m later Fellaini is still their most reliable plan.)

IamFanboy(曼联球迷):要是我在FIFA里开局踢成这样,恐怕早就退档重启了…(If i had a start like this in Fifa I would have already restarted.)

Faizan24839(曼联球迷):什么鬼,比分落后我们竟然还在回传?(Passing it around the back when we're down…WTF.)

MarcSlayton(利物浦球迷):弗雷德可能还没意识到自己已经不是在踢乌克兰联赛了…(Fred isn’t realising that he is not playing in the Ukrainian League anymore.)

Hicko11(牛津联球迷):这赛季埃德森的助攻,好像都比博格巴要多了…(Ederson has more assists this season then Pogba.)

加时赛连进2球,马竞4-2皇马夺超级杯

Darthvader(巴萨球迷):每个赛季不都这样?皇马开局踢成了一坨翔,最后发现这翔里竟然有座欧冠奖杯…(Same story every season: Madrid start like shit, end up winning the CL.)

merger3(曼联球迷):反正皇马最后都能混个欧冠冠军,那干嘛还费心费力地去争个西甲亚军呢?(Knowing Real they'll probably accidentally win the Champions League again while trying focusing on fighting for second in La Liga.)

r1senn(AC米兰球迷):卡塞米罗下场后,皇马踢得简直就像一只没有头的老母鸡…(RM looked like headless hen after Casemiro went off.)

LosTerminators(西班牙球迷):马竞已经找到在欧战里赢球的秘籍了,那就是西蒙尼被罚上看台!(Atleti have found their secret ingredient to win European matches, and that is for Simeone to get himself sent off into the stands.)

JaiChandak(曼联球迷):好在还有世俱杯,洛佩特吉还有机会去体验下踢世界杯感觉!(There's still the club world cup. This time Lopetegui has a chance to manage a team in a world cup lol.)

SonGokuecas(波尔图球迷):你是说洛佩特吉还能坚持到12月不下课?(Implying Lopetegui will last until December?)

MuchAire(美国球迷):C罗表现堪称噩梦,本场比赛完全隐身!(Dreadful performance by Ronaldo, didn't see him the whole gam.)

Ericdavidmorris(皇马球迷):上次皇马丢4个球,还是2015年在贝大湿的领导下踢巴萨…(Yep last time we conceded 4 goals was against Barça in Nov. 2015 with Benítez.)

Underrated(利物浦球迷):最后卡利尼奇咋没出场几分钟,难道他的背伤又犯了吗?(Is there reason why Kalinic didn't come in at least for few minutes. Do his back hurt again?)

Tanmimh(AC米兰球迷):卡利尼奇在马竞踢了一场比赛就得冠军了,这让我们米兰球迷情何以堪…(Kalinić 1 game with Atlético, 1 trophy. What now AC Milan fans?)

Benend91(阿森纳球迷):这对皇马不公平!和马竞这种大手大脚地花钱引援的球队相比,你怎能指望这个穷邻居能踢出好球?(Poor Real. It’s not fair that Atletico can spend all this money in the transfer market, leaving their poor neighbours fighting for scraps.)

BenniMBXD(皇马球迷):就是就是,现在J罗不在了,我们买的上一个大牌竟然是贝尔…(Yes, crazy to think that Bale is our last cashctico as James is gone.)

Idanbrinza(未知主队球迷):科斯塔就像陈年老酒,越老越牛,在76岁时达到了巅峰!(Can we talk about Costa Aging like a fine wine, hitting his prime at the age of 76.)

Aerialist_SS(多特球迷):切尔西真该买下科斯塔来替掉莫拉塔,这风格简直就是绝配啊!(Chelsea should replace Morata with this Costa lad. Would be perfect for them.

梅西梅开库鸟进球,巴萨3-0阿拉维斯

futb0l(未知主队球迷):那些说梅西是史上最佳球员的人,你们能确定火星上就没有个能场均进12球的外星人吗?(Those who say Messi is the greatest footballer in the history, how do you know there’s not an alien on Mars that averages 12 goals a game?)

jr9810(切尔西球迷):踢阿拉维斯3-0很正常,但你们能在欧冠上把切尔西也踢成这样吗?诶,不对…(Fine 3-0 against Alaves, but can youdo it against Chelsea in the champions league? Oh wait…)

9asseater420(未知主队球迷):梅西踢球时就好像球欠了他钱一样…(HE HIT THIS BALL LIKE IT OWES HIM MONEY.)

90s_george(未知主队球迷):梅西排在你后面进了旋转门,但他还是能比你先出来!(He will follow you into a revolving door and still come out first. Indeed!!)

Qwerty1458(未知主队球迷):看到梅西用身体硬扛后卫,还是感觉怪怪的…(The way messi uses his body to push off defenders is so weird.)

EAUO9(巴萨球迷):苏神和梅西这场是互换角色了吧…(Suárez and Messi swapped roles this play.)

buck_carleone(未知主队球迷):梅西射门的时候,真是比少林寺的和尚还要冷静!(Messi composure in goal calm as shaolin monk.)

YourSugarDaddy69(巴萨球迷):我发誓,这小个子承包了我生活在97.56%的乐趣!(I swear that little guy is responsible for 97.56 % of happiness in my life.)

orionpaper(阿贾克斯球迷):梅西的任意球+库鸟的世界波,这才是西甲联赛最好的打开方式!(Messi Free Kick + Countinho Banger = Best way to start La Liga.)

SavingsLow(巴萨球迷):还要加上梅西两次中柱以及苏神反复吐饼,这才是家里的感觉!(Messi hit the woodwork twice as well, and Suarez missed a couple of sitters. Feels like home.)

Gnorrn(未知主队球迷):其实苏神已经是1960年以来巴萨进球最多的且名字不叫梅西的球员了 (Suarez has scored more goals for Barcelona than any player not named Lionel Messi in the modern era since 1960).

THeScArYFAcE1(皇马球迷):虽然我支持阿拉维斯,但我还是买了巴萨3-0并且押梅西进球…(i was rooting for alaves but my money was on barca winning 3-0 and messi to score.)

Utdeka(未知主队球迷):如果我是上帝,我会觉得梅西就是我失散多年的亲兄弟…(If I was a god, I would seriously think that Messi could be my long lost brother.)

卡瓦哈尔贝尔进球,皇马2-0赫塔费

Harkoncito(皇马球迷):如果解说员每提一次齐达内、C罗或内马尔你就喝一杯酒的话,那你差不多就得酒精中毒而死了…(do you want to die for alcohol today? take a drink every time Zidane, Cristiano or Neymar are mentioned today.)

OtherwiseEcho(未知主队球迷):既然都不看VAR一眼,那你装上VAR的意义又是什么呢?(Why even have VAR if you aren't going to use it even once ffs.)

JackVS1(阿森纳球迷):你们是怎么忍受暴力的英超联赛的?快来看看这美妙的西甲赛场吧!诶,等等…(How can people tolerate the sanguinary PL games when something lovely like the La Liga begin? oh wait…)

Muluspublius(皇马球迷):赫塔费的哥们好像搞混了这到底是足球比赛还是摔跤比赛了…(Getafe mate might have been confused between a football match and a WWE practice.)

Victoryboii(皇马球迷):伊斯科对皇马最大的贡献,就是没有加盟巴萨…(Isco’s biggest contribution to Madrid is not playing for Barcelona.)

Nouca(皇马球迷):拉莫斯永远不会退役的,除非你让他去踢一次前锋!(Ramos won't retire until he gets positioned as a striker at least one match.)

好了,亲爱的小伙伴们,本期的“国外也有段子手”就为大家播报到这了,让我们下期不见不散!